This has been an interesting start to 2021 to say the least. If you told me three years ago, I would be back in Washington in a small city, living with family, without a job, I would have laughed. On top of that, everyone wears masks in public and stays six feet apart. I would never allow myself to get to that point. The government would never succeed in getting people to follow a standard like that. I mean those are ridiculous notions. Good thing nobody tells me what the future is going to hold, that's enough information to cause a breakdown, a shutdown of the brain.
So what have I been up to? A little of everything. So far I've read 8 books on my way to hopefully reading 52 by the end of the year. Eve's Daughter's by Lynn Austin, Circe by Madeline Miller, Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer, and Notorious RBG: The Life and Times of Ruth Bader Ginsburg are among my top recommendations so far. I'm considering diving into the Twilight Series since I have yet to read them and I know they are hugely popular. I have done some watercoloring, mostly painting geometrical shapes and patterns. I am currently reading Romans in the Bible, finding that my faith has changed quite a bit. I never understood it like I do at this moment. Finding myself without anything to do, I thought it would be interesting to keep learning. So I am learning a bit of French through the website Babbel. I am also taking the GMAT in April, which is an exam to get into a master's program for business administration. I don't know if I actually want to go back to school, but I've enjoyed taking the time to learn more and flex my baby brain muscles. I have a subscription to the Economist which is recommended for students studying for the GMAT or people who work in the business field. So, I'm learning about the world's politics and economy. The articles are quite dense, but I'm enjoying the reading nonetheless. I have been going on many walks. I usually do HITT workouts, but I'm taking a break because I'm having issues with my gut and I don't want to cause more damage. I want to be taking more pictures with my film and digital cameras, so I'll have to take those for a walk with me soon too.
In addition to all of my activities, I am applying for jobs. It is quite the task. I know I enjoy certain things like writing, copyediting, supporting other people in their work, detail-oriented tasks, project-based work, but I don't feel I know exactly what I want to do. It makes it hard to not have a direct path. Most of the time, I feel quite lost, not sure if I'm going in the right direction. I seem to be leaning in the marketing, web-development, video production categories, but I'm struggling. I want to be working for a company so I can work on my strengths and understand my weaknesses and I want to be working for something. I want to have some value in this world. I don't just want to be working for no particular purpose. I'm considering coding as something to learn more about since it's very formulaic. I've done a tiny amount of HTML and CSS, but if I want to turn it into a career I need to take more classes and practice more. I am so unsure about everything, because I feel I could be proficient in any number of things, it's just a matter of picking something and running with it. Problem is, I'm worried it won't be the right field for me and I'll have to start all over again, or I'll be stuck in something that's not right for me.
I didn't expect to finish college and still be confused about what I want to do and where I want to be in my life. I think part of the problem is that I feel deconstructed a bit. I have the same feeling that many have after they sit in on a philosophy class and can't wrap their minds around the topics, because they are so out of this world. Except the major difference is that I have this about my own life. I can't seem to pinpoint who I am in all the confusion of living in the world. Hence, the many activities occupying my time. I want to be doing something purposeful and I don't feel like I am.
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