I'm supposed to reflect on this past year and say how great it was, but it was not great at all. Example of each week:
M: Crying emoji
T: Crying emoji
W: Crying emoji
Th: Crying emoji
F: Crying emoji
S: Crying emoji
Su: Crying emoji and laughing while crying emoji
I was going to provide an example of each month, but it would be just about the same. I would force myself to type out "crying emoji" 30 times just because that's the type of person I am. Yes I think dumber and work harder rather than think smarter and work less. It's a contradiction that matches my life and who I am.
I spent my last semester at Point Loma Nazarene University in San Diego working on a music video, Tribulation, with wonderful friends and new people. I produced, The Playground at Night, on a crazy weekend in Palo Alto with the best of friends. Then I was a dorm painter on campus over the summer and met more amazing friends that I will probably forever love. I got to live in the dorm closest to the ocean and finally had a chance to try out surfing a few times. I had a job at a church on the weekends that I loved with people that were also wonderful and amazing. I found a counselor at the church that was amazing and who helped me. I directed a short, Day Three, with more wonderful people. It was a good life. Then I went to LA and had the worst semester ever. But through all of that I was incredibly depressed and even with good projects and great friends it was a dampener. With LA being complete trash, it was hard for me to find anything to hold onto except friends in San Diego and my mom. My mom and my friends, they kept me sane, and they reminded me of who I really am. It sucks when all they can say is "I'm sorry Ana. This is a tough season for you. I wish you weren't hurting so much." Sometimes it feels like I'm hurting other people because they can feel my pain and reflect it back. It's a lot of hurt.
I'm doing my best to rest in the fact that this year is over and done with. It's over. I can breath and work on forgetting the pain I felt. I don't know what this year will look like for me. I am hoping, hoping, it will be nothing like last year.
What I'm looking forward to more than anything:
1. Emotional Stability
2. Renewed Passion for Film/Art/Media
3. Time with Friends and Family
What I've learned from this past year:
1. I am stronger than I think I am
2. I can't make everyone like me
3. Shitty people make for a crap life (The people you are around will impact your life regardless of how you think about it or what kind of attitude you have. Ex. man hits dog, the life of the dog is not good no matter how much the dog tries to think in a positive way)
4. People are important and special and deserve love/care/kindness first rather than judgement/disgust
Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is the best show of the year hands down. I recommend that you put down your dirty laundry to turn the show on. Then, please continue to wash your dirty laundry.
Purple Days are ahead in 2019!
~Analise
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